dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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