tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
