singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
