She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
