How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
