I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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