I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
