The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
