I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
