The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
