Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize