Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
