drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
