i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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