I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My balls are so social today.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
