You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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