dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
