I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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