i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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