this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
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I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
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You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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