clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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