Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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