Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
