Having a random hookup so left but love u
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize