i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
