bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think my fart just growled at me.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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