So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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