You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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