I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
