Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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