you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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