I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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