got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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