So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
