the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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