I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
