Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
