i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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