my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
two words: eviction party
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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