I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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