do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
