I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
