Midget sex pt 2 tonight
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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