I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
