the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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