It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
