is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
