and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
