There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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