I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
