is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize