new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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