I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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