New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
