god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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