As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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