she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
