Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
