Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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