I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
