A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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