I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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