i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
