Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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