My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
