and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The power of my boobs compel you
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
