she was so not down for the gang bang
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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